Today I want to talk about something a little different than the small chats I do around here about what I did that weekend. Prepare this is going to be along one. Grab yourself some coffee, tea and a cookie and get reading.
That something else I want to talk about is confidence and independence. Something you probably know is that Anais and me are nearly grown together at the hip. We almost never do something separate and we love to do things together. Before we got together I used to be quite a independent woman or girl at the time and I used to do most thing by myself; Alone is how I prefer to get my shit done. To me it's just more efficient that way and I usually don't care about someone else's opinion so if I didn't need an opinion, why would I invite someone to tag along, right?
Needless to say that that attitude changed, I like to experience things together but I got in this kind of mood where I wanted to something by myself, feel like I could still do that and take care of myself. You need to be at peace with yourself to be able to go on an adventure alone without company or someone to save you or without feeling awkward in public on your lonesome.
I feel like I succeeded in my little adventure. During the entire day I was absolutely fine, walking around, taking my pictures, going everywhere I needed or wanted to be and I had a great time. The only boulder blocking my path (hihi name that reference) was when I had to go inside a restaurant to eat, Man that shit scares me, I hate eating alone in public but I was hungry and felt I should face my fears if wanted to be able to call myself a confident, independent woman so in I went, I placed myself at the bar because that seemed less sad than sitting alone at a table of four. Luckily Friday happened to be my lucky day and the chef struck up a conversation with me and even that went much better than expected considering I'm not that good at talking to new people. That conversation kept going on was completely on him because he is a great talker and all I did was show interest but still I'm pretty happy that I managed to have a meal alone and talk to new people, which can be scary in this day and age where everyone just stays on their phones and ignores the rest of the world; Even though that's the easiest way of making your way through life, it for sure isn't the most fulfilling one and can make you feel lonely. Let's be honest that phones makes us feel more confident because it looks like we're busy instead of awkward and alone but it does keeps new people at a distance.
If you read this story I may seem overly confident but now comes the part where we laugh and realize not everything goes the way we anticipated. I took the train back home, thinking nothing could go wrong because it was a direct trainline, and it wasn't the last train so even if something went wrong I could just take the next one. Hahaha yeah but NO. My train managed to get delayed even past all the other trains and four stops before my stop the trainservices announced the train would not drive past this point because of how much delayed it had gotten but there would be another train that would take me and the other passengers home. All good but again NO it was the very last train by that point, it was dark and that station is not a very safe one and besides that I would have to wait half an hour in the cold at night. Again NOT OKAY. So I continued reading my book at the train platform. Time passed and by the time I looked up from my book I saw my train driving away. I MISSED MY LAST TRAIN. I called Anais and made her convince my mom to come get me whilst I had a little cry; no more strong confident independent woman. I then decided I didn't want to stay in that unsafe environment so I had to walk into town (no more busses by that point) and go sit in a very crowded bar BY MYSELF, if I thought going to eat by myself would be scary this was so much worse because many people eat alone but that bar was that kind of place where people were on dates or on girl nights with friends and there I was alone. But hey I managed and got home so my self confidence was really tested that day but I survived and feel good afterwards.
Take a good look at the picture above because old ladies were flippin' out about these, apparently they're really special because they have double the amount of leaves per flower.
It's all about perspective, isn't it?
Do you like to go out by yourself? Try it and let me know.
Goodbyeeee
- Nikki
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